Arnaud Dumouch

Translation Alain Quenneville

KELLY THE MURDERED GIRL

THE SENSE OF SUFFERING

Wednesday, September17th, 2003. Hikers in brushwood discovered the nude body of 16-year-old Kelly Marchand, floating on the surface of a pond. Leaving her house the previous day to fetcher her younger sister at school, Kelly had become a missing person. It was promptly discovered that she had been raped, tortured, and murdered. The perpetrator was quickly identified as a marginal 19 years old. Claiming to have been acting under the influence of drugs and pretending to have no recollection of the event, he was convicted In June 2005 and condemned to 20 years imprisonment. Kellyís parents will carry their grief for the rest of their lives.

On the day of her funeral, her friends read this letter:

ę Little sister, forget your errors, forget your fright. They donít exist for you any more. The mistakes you made are all forgotten. Our wish would be to have the ability to offer you a new life, without hurt, without suffering! Everythingís changed from the day we learned this horrible news. If ever the world was too harsh and too cruel we were there for you...

All your love ought be undisputable and all your friends sincere. For you, we dream of a world where hate is the only stranger. Wherever you are, we hope you are well and youíll have no need for anything and that youíll never be alone. Our wish would be to see you back amongst us. For us, you will never really have left because youíll always be present in our hearts. Ľ

The hour of death

Kelly we canít forget you. You were a bright, poised, athletic, and peaceful of temperament. We all have in mind your ready smile the twinkle in your eye all of which made you unique. You were beautiful but you were destroyed, soiled and hacked by a barbarian, while you had left home in search of your younger sister at school.

Answer our questions, through the voice of the Church. Where are you? Why did you have to suffer so?

-ď When I woke up I seemed to be out of my body. I was having an incredible feeling of peace. No more dread, pain or shaking. I understood immediately that I had died.

I had been told at school during religion class about the soulís exit from the body. In my situation, I felt an invisible presence guiding me; He said to me: ę go visit your friends and relatives. Ľ I thought of mother and, right away, I was there. Then, I hugged dad, my brother and my friends. Nobody could see me. But I saw them and, and thinking real hard about them, I provoked thoughts to my little sister Myriam for me

- You say: ę I saw them Ľ. So you have a body?

- Yes, it was my body, undamaged, without bruises or cuts, unsoiled with full use of my arms, legs and an impression of complete lightness. My body obeyed me, moving at my pleasure, like a flash of lightning. Under me, I saw my remains, like a desecrated temple. Please tell my friends theyíll have to pray a lot for the soul of the perpetrator.

- Who was this "guide" accompanying you?

- The guardian angel charged with the salvation of my soul. He then, asked me if I was ready.

Above me a door opened. It was the opening to a tunnel, definitely a passage to the hereafter, as recounted by Near Death Experience (N.D.E) witnesses. I was attracted to it by a strange light exuding feelings of happiness. Everything I had learned was coming back to me. I now knew that I was going to see our Savior. I was moved. What was he going to think of me?

- The Savior?

- Yes, but before seeing him, as I moved forward in the tunnel, I saw a lady. She seemed to be about my age. Her body seemed to be like colors emanating from her soul. I was beside myself. I had never seen anything so beautiful. It was the Virgin Mary. She never left me, not until the end of my particular judgment.

Then the Savior appeared, in the form of a Being of light and each color was like one of the qualities of his heart. I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I wanted to melt in this immense ocean of tenderness.

- But you definitely couldnít go. It isnít possible? You had just died a horrible death?

- I had forgotten everything. My suffering, the sight of Mary and Jesus had cured everything in one fell swoop.

- And then what?

- Then, I seemed to be surrounded by thousands of people. I acknowledged the ones I knew. The members of my family who had already died were there. I acknowledged Julie and Melissa and numerous martyred girls. I was center of attention. Joy reigned here.

Then, Jesus said to me: ę Look at your life Ľ. My life began to unfold as in a movie with all the notable events of my past. I saw myself being born. I saw the young face of my mother peering into my cradle as well as all care and fuss she had given me. When Jesus me showed instances of good actions on my part, he congratulated me; when it was a big sin, like an act of selfishness, he me told the way it was, but without condemnation. I also saw my (too) numerous small friends. At the end of this film I was upset and confused. Everything had been true. I was sorry for the times when I had acted badly. At the sight of what I really was I found myself unworthy of so much love and generated even more pain and suffering than my brutal death. I hated myself for having been the cause of so much disappointed to God. Jesus far from being disappointed seemed to rejoice at the sight of my repentance.

Then the Angel of light appeared.

- The angel of light? You mean another angel or another Being of light?

- No, it was quite another thing. Jesus is love, humility and charity. This angel here spread another type of light one with an apparent air of respectability, and nobility. Christians call him Lucifer.

- Lucifer, but heís the devil?

- Thatís not how he appears to me. He was beautiful and really appealing. He has a kind of body of light, but a light made of colors, without any warmth. He started to speak. ęItís a curious world God offer you: where each attends the other, each live ę bent Ľ in repentance and humility. So listen to what I offer you. I offer you to live standing tall, worthy and in complete independence Ľ.

At that moment Jesus was retiring to one side. Lucifer re-winded the film of my life and commented from a totally different perspective. He reminded me the advantages and the pleasures I had found in each of my selfish acts. He showed me the freedom I acquired when I hadnít listen to my motherís advice

I saw Hell. He made it look to be a garden. It was filled with beings the solitary and free. But it was execrable. They were all alone and aggressive. They seemed to burn from a thousand passions gone awry. I really felt ill at ease. All my life I knew, not to do anything wrong, I had often awkwardly searched for love.

I couldnít seem to get clear of Lucifer. What he said was really appealing to the shamefully inadmissible part of me. Moreover, he had spoken the truth. I had really acted with a lot of selfishness during my life.

I cried out to Jesus and Lucifer disappeared like a bad smell chased by a fresh ocean breeze.

I cried a lot. I had to tell Jesus. ę I know now that I am not worthy of going to the heaven with you and Mary. But take me with you. Please donít leave me. Ľ

- Do you want to go to Hell?

- No, or rather yes. All my selfishness attracts me towards the freedom of Hell. But the rest of me want to be with you Jesus. I couldnít have chosen hell. Those people there, theyíre all madder than wet hens. Theyíd rather lose everything rather than acknowledge they arenít Gods. We were never created to live without love, especially when one has met Mary or Jesus. You canít deceive them thus.

- What happened then?

- There was a solemn silence. And thenÖ a thundering voice boomed:

ę Kelly treasure of diamonds and of gold;

Because you acknowledged your sins,

Because you knew you could never be worthy,

Because you are humble,IĎll make you my queen.

ę Do you now want to share in the glory of your Creator and behold HIM face to face?

- Thatís what you were told?

-          Yes. It was, but without words. It was like an ocean of goodness and tenderness impregnating every fiber of my being. It was voice of the Holy Trinity. I was shaking like a leaf, totally flustered. Mary had never stopped holding my hand.

- What did you answer?

- ę Yes Ö Ľ

- Is that all?

- Yes.

- So youíre a saint?

- Not in any way you my think it. You, my friends who knew me here on earth knew I definitely had faults. I imprudently frequented certain places and certain persons. But it is God who glorified me. I do not know why. I think that he admires me for something else

-          And then?

- It happened just like an unveiling, as if ę the veil of the temple when it was torn asunderĽ. Jesus was there. I saw his glorious body. But then I saw his divinity face to faceÖ I see the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit devoting themselves to one another in a total and unceasingly unencumbered deference towards each other in a contemplation of love and humility. Itís ÖWell I canít really explain it (Kelly kept quiet and there was a long, long silence,).

Matthew 27, 51: ę And behold the veil of the temple was rent in two from top even to bottom: and the earth quaked and the rocks were rent.í And the graves were opened: and many bodies of the saints that had slept arose Ľ. There is not more realistic text to represent the confusion that is the entrance to the beatific vision.

- And now, Kelly, what are you doing?

- Iíll never leave you. The Trinity made me their queen, their spouse. Because I saw it in my death then in Christís eyes that I was nothing. The Trinity considers itself as being even smaller than meÖand because I obey the Trinity, it listened to me. HE has put his angels at my disposal to help you with my request

- Some of us want to do some spiritism to obtain news about you. Are you going to answer?

- NoÖ Iíll never answer a call from spiritism. Careful! Itís a trap to move you away from humility and love. Donít do it. If theheavenly inhabitants hide, itís really for your own good.

- Are you going to give signs to your family to prove that you are in the Heaven?

- To some, but not to others. But your lifeís goal isnít happiness here on earth, its to be happy with me for eternity (the First words of the Virgin Mary to Bernadette, during her apparitions at Lourdes).

- Will you come get us at the time of our death?

- I promise you IĎll be there, as a discreet witness of your marriage in heaven.

- What must we do to avoid purgatory after death?

 If you do in life what you can to love others and remember what you learned: ď respect your parents; love your neighbor. Keep your promises and vows teach your children to understand and apply these same values Ľ)

And if at the same time you truthfully face God, without disclaiming the culpability for your sins.

So if at a time of death you arrive here in a state of love and humility, youíll bypass purgatory or like me, youíll spend very little time there. You wonít have any other purgatory other than Jesusí gaze. But His gaze is " the day of the Lord ", a day of love and it is harder than a day of anger. Iíll hold your hand on that day, as Mary did for me.

 

- And if we arenít like that?

- There are a lot of people who die, choosing love but donít succeed in giving up on the idea of pride. Theyíre saying: ę No God! No! Wait before you see me, I must become worthy of you. Youíll see Iíll change, Iíll reform Ľ. Then they freely throw themselves in purgatory. They part from friends in heaven. They really sincere and loving persons and do this out of loveÖ And then one day, burnt up and worn out trying to achieve worthiness they surrender to the obvious and declare! ę Lord I am not worthy to receive you. But only say the word and I shall be healed Ľ. They then enter the vision of God. But my, o my! What a waste of time Ö

Others go to purgatory because they really have harmed others. They want to make reparations, and that is only fair.

- How come you didnít go to purgatory? You had your share of faults to didnít you?

My faults were so big! Iíll show you who I was really when you come join me. But I donít think that my biggest fault was pride. And then my death induced despair. I knew that my sudden demise made it impossible for me to be and act with a lot of swagger.

 

- Is it true we will all be resurrected some day?

-          Yes, the Holy Trinity promised. When youíll all have come here to heaven with me, God will end this transitory world you now live in. No more will there be a need to painfully learn humility. God will then resurrect our bodies but it will be a glorious and immortal body. And thatís not all! He will have created many and different worlds for his elect. Its just totally unimaginable the ecstasy in which youíll be spending eternity.

-           

-          - And will the souls of damned be forgiven one day?

They donít want forgiveness of. They are irrevocably convinced of their choice. They prefer the loneliness and suffering rather than renounce their pridefulness, and acknowledge their thirst for love.

God respects their choice. So they to will be resurrected and spend eternity in a world of their own choosing. Everything they do will accentuate the misery and the pain they suffer. They passionately hate this God they long for but never will see Him again because they canít and never could surrender their pride.

So, Kelly, why our lives here on earth?

- Here on earth we are in a temporary home. Itís just a stage. It itís not a requirement to reach heaven. Many have died while in their motherís womb. But, for others life is a great opportunity to acquire certain qualities.

- Who decides?

- The holy Trinity decides. Because God created all things out of love and now that I can see God face to face, it all became so clear...

- How can you say that? You were cruelly raped, tortured and murdered and he didnít intervene to save you?

- As for death itís like going through a door, from one room to the next. You all seem to think everything is destroyed. When I ďawokeĒ subsequent to my murder, I was alive and well. Angels, ancestors, countless denizens of heaven and all the saints surrounded me. Jesus was there. In life I always wore the miraculous medal. So the Virgin Mary sought me out right away. I saw them all luminous, vibrant and understood the reason for the holy Trinityís interim silence.

- You were a believer?

- A bit but not all that much. Just like most of my classmates. My parents werenít strong practitioners either. Me I donít know, it didnít seem to matter to those who greeted me in heaven. They all came to console me.

- Why the silence of God?

- Youíre me asking me the most difficult question. Its seems its one of your big concerns. But it should be your last. First Iíd have to explain to you who HE is, because HE is the explanation to everything.

HE is humility and love

- Good, then who is God?

- I see God face up face. IĎm not speaking about seeing him with my eyes. Iím talking about an all-encompassing vision that floods your innermost being. There are no words that I know of to describe it in a manner you would understand.

However, there are two qualities that override all others. The first one, it is humility.

HE is humble. He considers HIMSELF less important than me.

The second is love. He loves me even more than his own being

- Thatís impossible. God is the almighty. He canít be humble.

- The Holy Trinity is humble. It may seem amazing but itís a fact. The Father never ceases exalting the Son and the Holy Spirit. Itís an unimaginable environment of intimacy, fuelled by emanations of indescribable humility, love and inaccessible lightÖ.

- Exalt? What does that mean?

- When I was in class we were told a story about Jesus: ę Just before his death, He took a cloth and started to wash his discipleís feet. Peter refused saying: ęYou are the master and Lord. You will not wash my feetĽ. Jesus answered him... Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.Ľ So the Holy Trinity never ceases to serve. It exalts me. Speaking of my soul the Holy Trinity tells me that I am beautifulÖ and I didnít know it.

- The Holy Trinity, what is it?

-          The Holy Trinity? Its eternal life since before the world existed, and from all eternity, there exists a unique Being, "Someone" infinite. Infinitely fulfilled by his very nature. He is a mystery, while one being, three processions of indescribable humility and love, contemplate and love in Him, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It is an unimaginable environment of intimacy, fuelled by emanations of indescribable humility love, and inaccessible light.

 

-          Sounds complicated

- It is simply God.

- Is the Trinity a man or a woman?

- The Trinity has all the qualities of a man: power, eternity and a womanís humility and love. The Trinity created the universe at the speed of light by simply willing its creation I see the immensity of its greatnessÖ Itís what explains creation.

- And Jesus, who is HE in this story?

- He is simply the Son of God. He made himself man to come tell us what I just told you. Everything he lived and l endured is barely scratching the surface of what I see. The Holy Trinity is Humility and Love.

Why youíre suffering?

You must be able to me answer now. Why Godís silence? Why didnít HE save you from your murderer?

- HE did save me from my murderer. Heís the one who drove me to despair, raped me and then destroyed my body. But, when I was raised up, at heavenís door, I was immediately comforted, at the sight of Mary and Jesus.

- But youíre not answering me. What was the use of having been raped?

-          To behold The Trinity, itís impossible not to become, as it is. Surrendering your all for the sake of others. As I told you, The Trinity values Love and Humility You canít from where you are, have the slightest idea of what it is I see, other than what is in the Gospels, as what Jesus suffered for us. He who is God chose to surrender Himself bound hand and foot to his murderers. He suffered the humiliation without, hating them. He was subjected more indignations than I ever was, because the outrages he felt, he felt with his soul.

Me, at 16 years old I was subjected to a mere taste of His Passion. Before, like many young girls my age, I had dreamed of being a model, then a cosmetician. In one fell swoop of misfortune, I learned how fragile I was.

Normally, I would have had to learn one step at a time, living out my life. I would have probably done a lot of good things as well as commit some mortal sins I think I would have been a Mary-MadeleineÖ maybe, in the search for love. Then I would find myself whatÖsome 70 years later, old and wrinkled? I would have few visitors and I would have learnt the same things.

- Are you saying its necessary to suffer a catastrophic death to see God? If thatís the case then thatís terrible!

No. You just need to become loving and humble like the Trinity. It just so happens that when one experiences suffering one has a better chance to understand our own pettiness.

But important thing here is not suffering There are people here who practiced self-denial and severe ascetics in life who only garnered pride. So all their suffering was for naught and had to learn in purgatory what humility was all about.

. What do think are the necessary qualities to quickly reach heaven

- Itís really simple. Iíll sum them up for you. Two are really important; the third is the consequence of the two others.

Be unassuming. Donít take yourself as someone whoís perfect. I can see it here, other than Mary and Jesus, all my brothers and sisters have sinned, here or there, through selfishness in the course of their life on Earth. Nobody is entirely free of sin and all acknowledge it. I to had been selfish. So acknowledge that you really are a poor sinner, carry yourself without swagger or illusions about yourself, itís already a beginning. Acknowledge your sinfulness by regular confession, or to someone in heaven. You can also use the priests and the sacraments. It is a very concrete means. God does the rest. When you come to join me, youíll have done the brunt of the work. So if you must still undergo purgation, it will be of short duration.

To love: To love is not to feel love, itís to act. With God, itís simple. Its enough that once in a while you tell him youíre thinking of Him and you waiting for Him to come and get you. Act as you would with your friends, its up to you to decide on the frequency of your contacts with Him. With neighbors it can be more complicated, there are people with whom they are close: his parents especially in their old age. Do not leave them. The love of your life (the boy or the girl to whom you made promises), donít betray them. Keep your children: as a gift from God, from the moment of conception and later ensuring them a good education.

Be virtuous: Walk the straight and narrow. Honesty and other moral virtues are a consequence of love. Many virtuous people spoiled their eternity hardening themselves with pride and self-importance.When on loves, on cannot steal, betray, or covet. The Ten Commandments is an important guide

- You speak about writing to God. Isnít that Original?

- What I wanted to say was be a friend to God and that requires prayers. There are certain persons who express their love to a best friend writing once a month, others an intimate relationship. This depends on each otherís feelings. Itís similar with God: he asks for your friendship, each in his own way.

- You speak about request but not about mass. Why?

- To understand the Eucharist, itís a grace a favor. I didnít partake in communion most of my life.Itís to bad because its Jesusí greatest gift to us HE succeeded making Himself physically present but unseen in the holy host, the rule being heaven remains hidden to our eyes here on earth. He becomes the bread of life. He nourishes the soul just like a caress would a feeling of well-being. Thereafter, each should spend hours speaking to him, telling him his joy and his worries.

You say: ę all while hiding Ľ. Why not to show Himself, wouldnít it be simpler?

The Trinity provisionally hides. It shows itself through the luminescence of Jesus Mary, saints and the angels during an apparition, and at a time of the death. Then, as soon as we have become humble, the Trinity reveals itself in its full-unfettered glory. The fact that the Trinity hides during our earthly lives is very advantageous it makes exaggerate wish, it increase the desire of those who donít believe in its existence. Its like if youíve been deprived of water we thirst for God, without knowing it. Where, up here, He gives of Himself in relation to our thirst.

- So Kelly! I guess weíll see you soon?

See you soon; itís just a short lifetime. Then Iíll be there when you get here with Jesus and all the saints of heaven. So hold firm, time passes very quickly.

 

Matthew 18, 5 ę But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.. Misfortune in the world in cause scandals! Valuation of It fatal, certainly, that it arrive from scandals, but misfortune to the man by whom scandal arrive! Ľ Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!

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