LETTER TO MY CHILDREN
By Marina Batianini, May 31st, 2006
Saturday, September 2, 2005
I don’t know exactly where I am. I'm stuck here, right in the middle of a highway. There are cars slowing down, ambulances coming from nowhere, and it is there that I see a vehicle turned over on its roof. The car is damaged, to such a point that it’s difficult to recognize it. I can see myself inside, undoubtedly rolling along a little faster than the average, in heavy rain when suddenly, a speeding vehicle behind me, could not manage to slow down in time, rammed squarely into my car. That’s when I lost control… The car rolled over a few times. How far? I couldn’t tell because the nest instant I was flung through the windshield. I felt every piece of glass embedding in my skin, like shrapnel. Then… nothing but a complete blackout.
And there I was, me here standing right in the middle of the road. I couldn’t understand anything any more. Out in front of me my body is laying in a heap and this policeman standing beside it, is talking to my mother on the phone and telling her “Madam…I am terribly sorry to have to inform you that your son has just been involved a terrible car accident and he has been pronounced dead at the scene…” At least that’s what I got out of the conversation.
And yet I lived, I had an intact body, no cuts or soiling, with my arms and my legs and an impression of absolute lightness. My body moved me at will and at lightning speed. But at the time, I felt nothing of all that. Right now I was feeling the anguish welling up, but reality was staring at me… I’ll never again be part of the world I had just left… never. Now it wasn’t the fact that I was seeing myself there lying there dead, that disturbed me that much… What was traumatizing me the most was leaving a whole family behind me, but especially a wife and three very young children. Thousand questions crossed my mind: “What will they become without me? Will I be able to see them again some day? How can I tell them I’m fine?? ” A thousand questions were galloping through my head but the first thing was to try to find my family for whatever last few moments remained…
Sunday, September 3, 2005
I had a terrible night. I had been told about th soul exiting the body after death. Near me, I felt the presence of an invisible guide. He said to me: “Go and visit your family”. So I thought of my mother, my brothers, and my sisters and especially of my wife and my children. I saw all the people whom I loved, crying over me beside the coffin in which I was laid out… I wanted so much to tell them they shouldn’t worry! But I couldn’t make them hear me.
Time had come for me to follow my “guide”, who had asked me moments before if I was ready to enter through this door at the end of the tunnel of light. Obviously, I agreed. The door above me opened. It really was a tunnel, the passage to another world, as described by individuals who had experienced NDE (near death experience) tells it.
I could make out a being waiting neat the other end and I found myself attracted to him because He was diffusing a light made of humility and love. All I had learned came back to me. For this reason I knew I was going to see our Savior with my own eyes. I was moved to the depth of my soul. What was He going to think of me? (I always was a strong believer but I had sinned as most people do in life).
Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? …
I’ve lost all notion of time! As I neared the far side of the tunnel, the Savior appeared as a Being of light… radiating an impressive array of color, each like a quality of His being. I like was drawn to him. I wanted to melt in this ocean of love and mercy. My woes had all been cured at the sight of Jesus. Once on other side, I saw thousands of faces, some of who were familiar or I had known in my former life, the life where it was possible for me to hold my children in my arms. Then, Jesus said to me: “Looks at your life”. In front of me unraveling like a movie, were all the key points of my life. I saw my birth. I saw my mother’s young face leaning over my cradle, and all the care and love she had given me. When Jesus pointed out a good action I had done, he congratulated me; when it was a big sin, such as selfishness, He told me so, but without condemning me.
Obviously I mucked up quite a few times in my life… like everyone else, I made mistakes. At the end of this film, I was really shaken up because it had all been so true. I was sorry for the times where I had behaved badly. I found myself to be unworthy of such love at the sight of what I really was. The suffering I was now experiencing was much more painful than the death I had endured. I hated myself for having disappointed God so much. Jesus, far from being disappointed, seemed to be delighted by my tears of repentance.
My meeting with the “angel”.
Then the Angel of light appeared…
This angel spread another kind of light, and he acted with great dignity, and nobility but Christians call him Lucifer.
He was beautiful he was seductive. He had some kind of body of light, but it was a light of cold colors. He started by saying: “Isn’t what God proposing a curious world to you? Each is made servant of others, each “wallowing”, in repentance and humility. What I am proposing to you, if you are listening to me, it’s to live worthily, in dignity, and in total independence”. For the moment Jesus was being unobtrusive. Lucifer ran through the events of my life. But he read into it from a very different angle. He highlighted the advantages and the pleasures I had found in my selfishness. He showed me the freedom I had obtained when I hadn’t listen to my mother’s advice.
I saw hell. It appeared to be a splendid garden but it was filled with free but solitary beings. It was horrible. They were all aggressive and worse they were all alone. They seemed to burn and be consumed by a thousand sick passions. I was terrified; I had always sought love …
I wasn’t able to free myself from Lucifer. What he said was really tempting to a secret part of me. Moreover, what he had said was the truth. I really had acted with a lot of selfishness in my life.
I cried to Jesus and Lucifer disappeared like yesterday’s weather forecast.
I said to Jesus: “I know now that I don’t deserve to go to heaven with you and Mary. But you need take me with you.” Although my selfishness had attracted me to the freedom of the hell, the other part of me wanted to be with Jesus. I couldn’t have chosen the hell.
The souls in hell are not like me. They preferred to lose everything rather than to admit they aren’t gods. But no one was made to live without love, especially when one has seen Jesus in all his glory. There was a solemn silence. Then a thundering voice, cried out:
“Because you recognized your sinfulness,
“Because you knew immediately that you would be never worthy,
“Because you are humble,
“I will make you my king.
“Do you now want to share the in glory of your Creator, face to face?
I was very disturbed by these words…
My entry with the paradise was so magical that I couldn’t feel any more any pain. I wasn’t even upset anymore with the man who had caused the accident. I would have forgiven him, for it had he been here in front of me…
Today, what I can tell you it is that I never leave you. I saw, in my death then in the eyes of our Lord Jesus Christ that I was nothing; the holy Trinity considers itself as smaller than me. Because I obey The Trinity, It obeys me and has placed its angels at my disposal, to help you. And I promise you before all that I will be there, as a discrete witness to your marriage in heaven.
But first of all, if you haven’t learned humility, then you will like all those people who have chosen e purgatory. Lt me explain:
There are many people who die, who choose love, but can’t manage giving up being proud. They say: “No God! No Wait… Before seeing you, I must become worthy. You will see, I will change, and I will reform…” Then they freely submit to purgatory. They separate themselves from heavenly elect and they really do it for love. They truly are sincere and loving people. And then one day, worn out, by their lack of success, they surrender and ask: “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed”. They then enter the vision of God. But what a waste of time…
Others go to purgatory because they really have to do penance and reparation for the wrongs they had committed. It’s the right thing to do on their part.
The conclusion that I drew from this is:
If you do what you can in life what you can to love others (You remember what was said to us in class about the three sacred loves: “Your parents; the love to whom you promised faithfulness and your children from the moment of their conception”);
If at the same time you look at yourself with truth in front of God, without denying the wretchedness of your sins:
Thus if you arrive per hour death in a state of love and humility, you will pass through purgatory as I did, i.e. very quickly You won’t have any other purgatory other than Jesus’ glance. His look is “the day of our Lord”, a day of love, and it is harder than one day of anger. I will hold you the hand on that day, and on that day you will stave off purgatory.
I love you and I will always be there with you; wherever you are, I will be with you…
Signed: your dad who loves you… from the great beyond…