I AM BUT A POOR SINNER
par Flavia Bianco, 31 mai 2006
Traduction Alain Quenneville
Flavia was a 16 years old young lady and will be so forever.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006 was a beautiful day, and yet, a horrible story begins there.
A 16-year-old girl was found dead, beaten to death by a group of young boys who hung around near her school. It was in a small lane leading to a soccer field, that several young people found her on her knees, her head leaning forward and her face touching the ground. Some who saw her said t she looked like someone who was praying. The killers were recognized, arrested, tried and convicted subsequent to their identification by a witness, and condemned to 18 years in a penitentiary. For their defence they claimed to having acted under the effect of drugs, but the jury couldn’t accept their stories as justification for such a senseless crime. Faced with the pain of their daughters’ tragic demise, the parents remain in a state of incomprehension.
Flavia tells us her death, her anguishes, her fears, where it is today and why she is suffering.
I wasn’t really afraid nor was I suffering when I woke up. I was experiencing was an overwhelming feeling of well-being and peace. I knew I was dying and felt that I was out of body. I sensed a being near me, more precisely a guide who for now remained invisible.
My guide gave me enough time to see my close relatives and tell them goodbye.
I thought of my mother and my brothers, remembering how close I was to them, then embraced my father.
I also hugged the friends I saw, knowing they couldn’t see me
I could see them because I did have an intact body that seemed so light to me! With this body I could move me like a flash to where and when I wanted. Below me, I could see my ravaged body, scavenged like a desecrated church.
The guide, I found out was my guardian angel, the one charged with the salvation of my soul
He asked me whether I was ready and I answered that I was. Suddenly a luminous passage tunnel like, a, opened in front of me, exactly like the one I had heard people talk about and had returned from. It filled me with happiness.
I then saw an extremely beautiful lady. It was the Virgin Mary. Her whole being emanated with virtues and purity shined from the depth of her soul. She stood by me until the end of my particular judgment.
It was at this point in time that I saw our Saviour as a Being of Light whose qualities radiated like the full spectrum of a rainbow. I was violently drawn to him.
All my sufferings were healed at the sight of Mary and Jesus. Then, I found myself in the midst of thousands of deceased people. My grandparents came to greet me, and all milled about in an environment of unbounded joy.
Then Jesus came and proposed to review my life. Immediately images of my earthly life rolled before my eyes like a motion picture, I saw all the outstanding elements of my life.
I saw my birth, the care and love my mother had had for me, and I also saw my good faith actions, for which God complimented me. I also saw my selfishness. But God never condemned me.
At the sight of what I really was, I realised how unworthy I was of all the love offered. And I then thought that the sorrow of my death was but a modest pain compared to the pain I had caused God by my faults. But Jesus was satisfied with the sight of my tears of repentance.
At this point in time the Angel of Light appeared to me, irradiating a great dignity and nobility, in sharp contrast to Jesus whose presence diffused softness and humility. To all Christians, this angel is Lucifer. He appeared attractive and tempting, He made me re-examine all of my life stressing the advantages of my egoistic acts, and in all honesty, part of me wasn’t able to be repulse Lucifer. He tried to show me hell as a marvellous garden, but I could see it was lonely and sad place where each being was burning with a sharp passion for selfishness. But no one is made to live without love, and all my life I had searched for Love. Then I cried to God not to give me up, even if I didn’t deserve a place near Mary and Jesus.
As soon as I cried out for God’s mercy, Lucifer disappeared and a solemn voice said to me:
“Flavia, treasure of diamonds and gold,
Because you recognized your sinfulness,
“Because you knew immediately that you would be never worthy,
“Because you are humble,
“I will make you my queen.
“Do you now want to share the in glory of your Creator, face to face?
All this wasn’t really said with words, it seemed to me like an enormous kindness and admiration had fallen on me. It was the voice of the Trinity, and during all this time this was happening, the Virgin Mary had held my hand throughout.
I answered yes, and I felt that God prized me for another thing which my family and my friends admired me. And then there was a revelation because suddenly I could see Jesus face to face, in all his glory,
I saw the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in a gushing of infinite love and humility.
Now, I shall never leave you; I saw in me that I was but nothing, then the Trinity made me his spouse.
I obey him and it obeys me, and placed angels at my disposal to help you.
I didn’t suffer in purgatory because I was so despairing of my death, and my sins were not so great! Strictly speaking God didn’t save me, from my murderers: He left me to become small so I would be able to face the Trinity, and to become very humble and loving. Suffering is not the most important thing, because one can become proud the more suffering one makes himself endure.
It is necessary to love and be humble. I am sure I will find you all someday.
Until then, I’ll take care of you, and at the hour of your death I will come with Jesus, Mary and all the Saints.
Flavia Bianco, May 31st, 2006